He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
