I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
