i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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