Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
