just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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