Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
