He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
