Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
