you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
