Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
