I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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