Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
