so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
