question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
