i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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