The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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