Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
