what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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