And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
