DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
