Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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