batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
