I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
