Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
soo... how was my night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
