I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
