the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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