You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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