dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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