She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
