the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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