Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
