I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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