i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
