Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
