i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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