how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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