OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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