Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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