I'm eating all of the evidence.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
His nipple licking is glorious
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