The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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