Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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