The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
