i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
this hospital has no fireball
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
