he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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