once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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