i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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