well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
