hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
