You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
