It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
