I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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