Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
