I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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