are you so shy because you have an std?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
