Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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