Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
